Why communications fail

Georgie Russell, Associate Director at Bladonmore, explores how to avoid communication breakdown.

I got something so wrong the other day. I am still wincing at the memory of it.

I was at a memorial and saw the sister of a childhood friend, someone I hadn’t seen for decades. Forgetting momentarily that it was her relation whose life we had just been celebrating, I approached her with misplaced enthusiasm; the wrong amount of energy and almost a squeal as I implored, “How are you?”

For a second or two we were paralyzed in a state of complete disconnection. My lack of empathy – however fleeting – had blocked any hope of communication.

I was mortified and quickly shifted to a more considerate tone and thankfully the dreadful moment passed.

Empathy fuels engagement

That communication fail happened because I’d approached my friend entirely from my own headspace, accessing hers only on delay, when it was too late.

In corporate communications, speakers often fall foul to this: prioritizing their own message, with zero consideration for any other perspectives in the room. They see themselves as ‘sender’, and the audience as ‘receiver’ – as if they are spooning food into an unwitting mouth.

But you can only spoon feed successfully if what you are dishing up is palatable. There needs to be value in what you are sharing. Until there is, the audience remains skeptical, which neurologically puts them in a state of stress.

If, on the other hand, you communicate something that’s relevant and relatable, you will literally be lighting up the reward centers in their brain, triggering a cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine that will leave them reaching for the spoon!

Audiences aren’t abstract. They’re part of the process.

Fulfil a fundamental need

Thankfully, getting into the shoes of your audience is not hard. And according to the psychologist, Matthew Lieberman, humans are wired to want to do just that.

In his book ‘Social’, Lieberman says that our need to connect with other people is even more fundamental than our need for food or shelter.

“We have a profound proclivity towards trying to understand the thoughts and feelings bouncing around inside the skulls of people we interact with.” he says.

“Although we are far from perfect at gleaning the actual mental states of others, the fact that we can do this at all gives us an unparalleled ability to cooperate and collaborate with others – using their goals to help drive our own behavior.”

However, being able to take on the perspectives of an audience is one thing. Making the time to do it is another.

Make time to prepare effectively

When coaching clients to be more audience-aware, a common pushback is they simply don’t have the bandwidth to customize their messages ahead of every engagement. They’d rather fall back on tried and tested core messages that, more or less, get the job done.

But if being time-poor is the issue, surely failed communications only exacerbate the problem. Not quite landing a pitch, for example, or failing to win over a potential investor, only leads to further work and more meetings.

It can take minutes to take on board who you are talking to and why they are in the room. Seconds even.

So instead of risking the humiliation of a communication breakdown – why not allow yourself the satisfaction of a communication win?

If you are looking to transform your communications, get in touch.